This is a most excellent post. I fit in this category..it was my ex-wife that pretty much walked out. While we went through the whole messy divorce thing (due to a third party - her new boyfriend!) I gained custody of my two boys. She pretty much walked out after the divorce. She had absolutely nothing to do with them. I continued to keep them in sports and other activities. They would call her and ask her to come to their games, etc. She always promised, but never came through. In fact, she did not even go to kids' 8th grade promotion ceremonies (although she told them she was there - and they knew she was not). They had a lot of the same questions...why won't she come? Why does she keep doing this? Why does she promise and never come? People also need to understand that when you promise something to a kid...they fully expect you to follow through on that promise. We as the adults need to put ourselves in their place whenever we say or do anything. You are absolutely right...the kids come first. It is hard to try to explain why the absent parent does what they do. But, if you do try, you also have to remember, that absent parent is still part of them. You can't say anything negative about the other parent because they are still connected. That is probably one of the hardest things to do is to try to remain neutral about the absent parent even when you are just as mad and disappointed as the kids.