A bit of background to start with:

I have been separated for 4, and divorced for 3 years. For the first two years, my ex-wife and I shared care of our (now 7 year-old) son and we split the bills. He wanted more time at his mum's as his friends from school were over there so I dropped back to seeing him every other weekend. Arguments ensued over the level of maintenance. She wanted strictly as per CSA guidelines - I wanted compromise. The guidlines give discounts on how much you drop the maintenance according to large visitation bands of 52 nights per 1/7th discount. Since I was between 104 days and under 156 days, and couldn't make the next band of 156 days, I would only have him for fri night and sat night, dropping him Sunday morning. I did that for two months before she agreed to adjust pro-rata as she wanted time for her boyfriend. The next year and a half was every other weekend comntact and I paid £300 and contributed £300 to his holiday.

This year son is older and wants more time with his friends at weekends. Immediately she comes asking for yet more money. That is all I am now, a wallet. She has a new live-in boyfriend (her third in three years) and doesn't have to travel to see the latest man. Before I enrage the women, I am still with the same lady that I met 8 months after I separated and we are happily living together.

Ex now wants the full CSA guidelines £500, but wants me to have him whenever he/she chooses. Well, I have a new life and a new partner to consider. I will no longer step up to the mark to allow her to go away on weekends with her boyfriend whilst we look after son. To add insult to injury, she sends him across to us in clothes that are old and way too small.

I am about to become a walk-away parent. I have no control over how much money I have to contribute to the child's welfare - nor any say as to how it is spent. All the cards are with the ex, except one...

I will now walk away from my little boy knowing it will hurt him in the long run, and in the short-term hurt the ex-wife. Sure she will get her maintenance, until his 18th birthday, but at what cost to the little boy. No help through University. No help with first car or deposit for house. And my will is also about to be changed to leave everything to my new partner. Ex-wife is just plain greedy.

I know many other who have done the same. System is so biased towards mothers. Best thing a man can now do is get a vasectomy ( I have) and not get married (I won't).

I'm now happier and free again. Send all the abuse you like, but maybe you will see that you can empty our wallets, but that will not give the children their father.