I am a stepmother to a 8 years old boy, since beginning of last year, and also a mother for an 8 months old. I can totally relate to the urgency felt towards our next generation, be it our own flesh and blood or not.

When I was dating my then boyfriend, now husband, I knew I had to mother his son, and I was all prepared for the 'what ifs' and 'negative connotations' when it comes to being a step-mom. And I went around getting advise and learning the ropes of how to relate to a 6y/o (then) plus exploring things kids of this age enjoys doing.

After my 1.5 years of relationship with the man and the child, I knew I was prepared to move things forward and we finally tied the knot beginning of last year.

I had painted a picture too good to be true, about mothering the child that is, because I totally forgotten to take into consideration an very very crucial factor - my Mother in law!!!!! Who has been SMOTHERING this boy till death for the longest time!!!

Now, at 8 years old, he STILL does not know how to bath himself properly, let alone pack his own bag for school!! (there were always remarks made in his notebook that he has forgotten his books EVERYDAY!!)

Also, the MOST ANNOYING part is HE JUST DOES NOT GREET ANYONE!! family members and strangers alike. Whenever I tried to teach him by example, and explain why it is important to greet someone, my mother-in-law would simply interfere and push it to the 'genetic structure' of the family - being the quiet type!!

Then episodes of him lying through his teeth, wide-eyed, about things I and the hidden camera caught him doing red-handed, and accusing the maid for something he himself has done, are just daily incidents that are happening at the tips of an ice-berg.

Everyday, I'm seeking for an answer and a way out. I can either just focus on my own baby and leave the 8 y/o to my Mother in law. OR press on with my mission impossible of 'tug-of-(power)war' over the 8 y/o with my mother in law.

I feel the urgency to teach and guide him NOW so that he can grow up PROPERLY, but what and how am I supposed to?

It seems like wrong for me either way.