Communicating The Teen Years

One would think with the advent of cell phones, pre-paid phone cards and the internet, that these lines of communication would create a virtual flood of dialog between family members.

Apart from the occasional "check-in' call, teens spend more time talking to their friends than with their family. The explosion of the internet has parents fighting to find time to even talk to their teens. It is often quicker and easier to check them out on MySpace than in person.

In the past the dinner time was the one time that the entire family could get together. That has now been replaced by the the 10 second "text message' or, if you are lucky, an email. Meaningful communication between parents and their teens has become a challenge, however there are several things a parent can do to solve the problem.

Get into the habit of asking your child what's going on in their daily lives and don't be put off by a generic response. "Nothing' is not an answer. Get them to answer in complete sentences and talk for more than a couple of minutes and you will be surprised what comes out.

Watch your child. No one knows them better than you! You have raised them since infancy, you can tell when something is bothering them and when they are hiding something. If you feel there is something wrong then do not be put off by "privacy' issues or the "you just don't get it' speech. Gently let them know that you are there to help and let them know you wont let up until you get a satisfactory answer.

LISTEN! Really listen to what they are saying and how they are saying it. Don't forget; the tone of the conversations is just as important as what is being said. Don't interrupt no matter how tempted you are to interject a comment just make a mental note to get back to the subject when the child is ready to listen to what your response. Keep your temper and alarm in check when dealing which such subjects as sex, drugs and peers.

BEND DON'T BREAK! Be flexible. Everything is not written in stone. Be willing to adjust or change an edict or rule depending on the circumstance, but, stay within your own guidelines as to what is appropriate or right. Offer compromises that might alter the situation but remain firm on major issues.

TRUST YOUR INTUITION! Remember you are the one with the experience, if it "feels' bad then don't allow it. If it sounds just to good to be true then let them know that the answer is No right then. Don't put if off hoping that they will forget or that the situation might change.

Remember no matter how adult your teen tries to act, or how much you as a parent think they know, nothing can match your years of life experience. Your experience is invaluable and your kids need it everyday.

If all else fails, open a MySpace or Twitter account and learn to communicate using their channels. You may even surprise them.

In my experience offering

In my experience offering personal experiences that are not boring, but truly come from the heart resonates with teens. For example saying that the worst you as a parent ever did was to jaywalk is not going to win you any points with teens.

teen tours (not verified) | Mon, 12/05/2008 - 13:16

Communication

I agree that one has to find a common ground with teens to be able to communicate with them, but there has to be a time during each day where the family needs to connect with one another and ground rules need to be laid down about it because it is important.

frostygirl (not verified) | Tue, 06/05/2008 - 04:42

I am impressed the way you

I am impressed the way you communicate with your children.It is different between western and eastern.For eastern,mostly we use harsh way ,canning ,scold....to teach children which i think it does not help children .

Felex Tan (not verified) | Thu, 24/04/2008 - 00:33

Teens communicate?

Hmmm...so that was my problem! I thought they only knew how to grunt!

Otherwise..most excellent post!

Bob O (not verified) | Wed, 23/04/2008 - 14:31

I find that breakfast

I find that breakfast together during the weekend, going out to dinner and movies really help with communicating with my teenagers. I also try to get into the things that they are interested in.

Chris (not verified) | Wed, 23/04/2008 - 05:21

Communicating with Teens

This is a great post. I am a mom of teen girls and you know how surly and moody they can get ;)

I found that listening to the times that they do talk goes a long way to communicating openly with them. The generic "how's your day" or "what's going on" will usually get the usual "nothin'" but if you've been listening and can ask specific questions like "what ever happened to the thing your friend was going to do?" will more likely start a conversation.

JMom (not verified) | Wed, 23/04/2008 - 03:20

Comminication

That is often the perception. Teens I think just communicate in very different ways - and we forget our teen years very quickly - we were once just like them.

Lessca | Tue, 22/04/2008 - 07:04

Communication

Very interesting post! Especially the title because the words "communicating" and "Teen" don't often fit in the same sentence! But trust and respect go a long way!
Blessings!

regina (not verified) | Tue, 22/04/2008 - 03:53

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